It’s Not About Me

Red Clover
Polk Co, Missouri

The other day I just wanted my voice to be heard. I wanted loved ones to understand where I was coming from, how I felt, what I needed. Me, me, me. I was so wrapped up in myself that I couldn’t see anything else, hear anything else. And today I reflect, did I really want to see or hear anything but me?

I wanted validation. I wanted my pain validated. My ideas validated. My suggestions validated. Again...me, me, me. My blinders were on and I could not see the forest, the trees were in the way! Just like I couldn’t see Jesus because I was in the way. I couldn’t hear Him. I was in turmoil. 

He asks us to come boldly to Him. Seek me He says! But to boldly seek Him, we must turn off ourselves because we get in the way. I got in the way. I didn’t see His mercy and I completely missed out on His grace. I got in the way not just in the way of myself, but in the way of those surrounding me. They didn’t get to see Jesus. They didn’t see mercy. They didn’t receive grace. They got blasted with a temper tantrum that was driven by fear.

It’s not about me.

It’s about Him. It’s about stopping mid sentence to call out His name, “Jesus! Oh, Jesus, I need you! Take this fear from me and wash me with your peace!”. For, in my life, anger is a mask of fear and fear robs me of peace. When I’m angry I’m fearful. So when I’m seeking validation from others, I need to put that aside and seek Him. He is the Prince of Peace. I will never get that from seeking anything in this world.

Let me rephrase. I WANT to seek Him. Do I always? No. I make mistakes. He loves me anyway. He’s merciful. When I make myself first, His mercy is hard to see. I rob others of watching His mercy unfold. As I calmed down, I finally hear Him whisper, “It is going to be okay. Be still and know there is grace.” 

What a beautiful reminder that He has placed on my heart. He reminds me that while I had a temper tantrum (and really as an adult that is embarrassing) His grace is still anew, another chance is given. He doesn’t love me conditionally. So, why should I place conditions on others? We are all wading in our own “me” muck. He loves us anyway.

It’s not about me. I could have easily missed this amazing moment had I not let myself go and seek Him. I am reminded that when we boldly seek Him we will receive His mercy and in that moment, grace is bestowed upon us.

When I let go and let God do what God does, I allow others to see Him, too. His mercy and grace flows when we become window screens instead of closed doors. 

“So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.”

‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭4:16‬ ‭NLT‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/116/heb.4.16.NLT

Lord-

I praise your mighty name! You’re the King of King and Lord of Lords! You make all things new. You are bigger than my fears. So I come to you. I seek your peace, your will. I seek you so that I may be a vessel as you bless me with mercy and grace EVERY SINGLE DAY! Thank you for loving me when I am at my worse. When I am in “Me” mode and seem to forget that it’s just not about me. Thank you for showing me how to receive your grace so that I can be merciful to others. So they, too, can know your grace. Thank you, Lord, for this moment with you. 

Amen